proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
