Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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