Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
