Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
