were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
