I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
