I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
