Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
