oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize