Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
