Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
