But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
