i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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