I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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