i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
