We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
