I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
