I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
