Moan for me like Helen Keller
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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