it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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