She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
