a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
