I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
