Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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