no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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