I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm both gender and math confused
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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