Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
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