I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
