I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
