I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
