We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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