did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
