About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
