if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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