Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
