And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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