That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
