If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
