All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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