I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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