Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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