Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
