somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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