My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
