you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
