The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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