I'm gonna have a badass scar
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
im on a boat
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