he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Watching her eat just hurts me
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
