I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
