Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
