I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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