Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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