he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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