I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
