I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
