ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I just found a bag of teeth...
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
