it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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