My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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