I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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