I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
