Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
