Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
