she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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