it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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