I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
